The key to custody and visitation issues is knowing where to go and what to do. Depending on the state you live in, there are lots of programs to look into. Currently all states are receiving federal funds in the form of Access and Visitation Grants, which are designed to help non-custodial fathers overcome some of the problems which are often associated with the inability to see their children.
It is important to remember, that as the biological father you have a responsibility to be involved with your children. Often this is made difficult but regardless of the reasons, the non-custodial parent should and does have a right to be involved with their children.
Access and Visitation is not supposed to be connected with the payment of child support, but it often is. The Access and Visitation Grants are administered by the Office of Child Support Enforcement at the State Level. This becomes the first place you should consider investigating. Find out if and what kind of programs are being administered by you state and what agencies are administering the programs.
Check at the local level, to see if there is any kind of program which you can enroll in which is designed to help you with your custody and visitation problems. Find out what the rules are in your state and what you have to do to enforce your rights.
Understanding the differences between Custody and Visitation:
The definition of Custody and Visitation varies between states.
Most often Custody refers to the ability for the non-custodial parent to have the child in unsupervised situations, such as over-night and outside of a specific area. This is actually viewed as a partial custodial arrangement and assumes that the parents are actually sharing custody of the children. The time and duration of these arrangements can range from shared custody which is basically a 50/50 arrangement to the more most typical arrangement for non-custodial parents of alternating weekends. Depending on the state, typical custodial arrangements are, every other weekend, Friday through Sunday. Some non-custodial parents also have custody one night per week for a specific number of hours.
Visitation, on the other hand, is normally viewed as some form of controlled visit, normally with a supervisor, which is limited to a time and location. While these visits are normally designed to insure the safety of the child, they are also often considered when the non-custodial parent has not had regular contact with the child for an extended period of time. Often these visits are supervised by qualified social worker types and they can be very helpful to inexperienced non-custodial parents. Most of these visits also require a written report to a parent agency, which will detail the visit and offer suggestions to the parents as to how to make the visits more productive. Other that the original goal of safety, the secondary goal of the supervised visit is to eventually move the child and the non-custodial parent into a partial custodial arrangement which will not require the supervision and permit extended visits between the child and the non-custodial parent.
Non-custodial parents should consider support groups and parenting classes to help themselves with issues of child development, anger, parenting issues and separation anxiety. The non-custodial parent should also familiarize themselves with issues of Parental Alienation and make a concerted effort to work cooperatively with the custodial parent toward of the child.
If you are unable to develop a relationship with you children because of a poor relationship with an ex-spouse, there are several avenues you can consider towards maintaining you relationship with your children. Most court systems have a program which will allow for petitioning for some form of custody or visitation. The courts have realized the one of the keys to obtaining child support, it to insure active contact with the non-custodial parent.
If you are interested in getting to see your children or increasing the time you have with your children contact the Fathers Raising Children program directly and we will see what services we can offer you.
For additional help, please join our Access and Visitation list-server. This group is an online support group for non-custodial parents who are interested in being actively involved in their children's lives.